So, there I was, sat on a beach in East Auckland and for the first time in years, I felt like I could breathe again.

If I asked you to think of that feeling that you get when you’re at home and then I asked if you thought it was possible to get that feeling when you’re away from home, would you understand what I’m talking about? 

I am one of the lucky ones that feels like I am ‘home’ in two different places in the world. Coming from one of the prettiest towns in Northern Ireland to now living at one of the prettiest beaches in Auckland, I have only ever known home as being somewhere pretty and by the water. On one side of the world the water is lakes and in New Zealand, it’s a beach; but still both places are truly special to me and both places mean the word ‘family’ to me.

I’ve lived in New Zealand for almost 11 years, and it has gone like a flash. But then the 25 years I lived in Ireland went in what seemed like a flash too. Growing up in Northern Ireland came with its set of challenges, some very personal to me. Those challenges, stemming from the conflict, are the type that I don’t think I’ll ever face in New Zealand, which I wonder in the pit of my stomach isn’t part of the reason that I feel so content here in a foreign world?

I guess it’s the fact that I have started my live in New Zealand with my kiwi husband who was been so patient and allowed me the time I needed to spend at home before we moved here and when I really dipped out of my commitment to living in New Zealand in 2015. More so however, it is of course the fact that within the last three years we have started a family of our own and have bought our own home. 

With a slow and easy Northern Irish accent, I have always made kiwis inquisitive, and I have been fortunate that from this point of difference, I have built a great network friends, colleagues and acquaintances. I really can’t credit the kiwis and other expats enough for their welcoming and understanding they are being of this girl from Enniskillen. 

I turned 40 in March 2020, that month isn’t so much synonymous with my 40th birthday as it is as when the western world effectively shut down with the start of the pandemic we now know as COVID-19. That very month I flew to Chicago to meet my friends and parents for the infamous St Patrick’s Day celebrations and of course my ‘big birthday’ celebrations, but you know what? They never happened, but I did still manage to turn 40!

Mum and dad were making their way to Dublin Airport just as the news broke that Donald Trump had cancelled the ESTA’s of all foreign nationals due to travel into the US. I with my husband, some friends from Dublin and my nine-month-old daughter sat in The Sears Tower in silence as the news broke and then that we needed to leave that building and subsequently every other public and recreation space in the city as they were instructed to close with immediate effect. This story won’t be new to anyone as of course the same thing proceeded to happen in New Zealand just a few days later.

It’s hard to really flesh out all I know is that for the week after that trip I cried non-stop. What made me most upset was the fact that my mum and dad wanted to see my daughter and that didn’t happen. I’ve since had another daughter and they haven’t met her yet

The most awesome thing is about to happen though and in May I fly ‘home home’. I am beyond excited and even though I am fully prepared for it not to happen, I am also fully prepared for it to happen. The world we live in now has us second guessing everything and everyone. I don’t want to breathe in when someone near me coughs, even though it is most likely nothing.